The Impact of Emotions on Negotiation
EMOTION IS A KEY factor in negotiations. Emotions, especially the emotions of desire, greed, fear, or anger, can help or hurt you in a negotiation. The more you can keep your emotions out of the negotiating process, the more capable you will be of getting the best deal for yourself or your organization. The more emotional you become, the less capable you will be of negotiating well on your own behalf. Emotions distort valuations. You are incapable of thinking clearly and making good decisions when you let your emotions take over. Everything you do to stay calm during a negotiation will help you to get a better deal.
How Badly Do You Want It?
The most powerful emotion in negotiating is desire. The more you want to purchase or acquire a particular product or service, or to sell something, the less power you will have in negotiating. If you want something so badly that you can taste it, you are likely to pay almost any price. If the other person knows how badly you want something, he will have an advantage over you.
Remember the power of indifference mentioned in the previous chapter? Ask yourself some questions. What would happen if you didn’t acquire this product at all? What is the worst thing that could happen if you were unable to succeed in this negotiation or purchase? If you didn’t get it, would it kill you?
Prepare yourself in advance for not achieving the object of your desire at all. The calmer you are about the idea of not succeeding in the negotiation, whether buying or selling, the better you will be able to think, and the better decisions you will make.
Control Your Emotions
Greed is another emotion that exerts an inordinate effect on your thinking. The idea of getting something for nothing, or acquiring something at a cost or price substantially less than you thought you were going to pay, can distort your emotions and make it difficult for you to think clearly. The very idea of getting something that you don’t deserve, or something that seems like a terrific deal, can hurt your ability to make a rational decision.
Next to desire and greed, fear is the most dangerous of emotions. The more fearful you are about an outcome, the more easily you will be excited into taking an action that may not be in your best interests. This is why indifference to whether or not you acquire a certain object, or achieve a certain result in a negotiation, is a wonderful way of calming your emotions.
Finally, another major emotion that can cause you to make poor decisions in negotiating is anger. Fear and anger are often used by manipulative negotiators to get people worked up and to stampede them into making a decision that is not good for them.
Keep Calm at All Times
Whenever you feel yourself becoming emotional in any negotiation, call for a “time-out.” Take a break. Go for a walk. Come back after lunch or on another day. Discipline yourself not to make an important decision or to agree to a condition when you are in the grip of an emotion of any kind.
Ask yourself the question, “So what?” If the deal collapses or doesn’t work out, so what? A mentor of mine, a very successful businessman, once told me something I never forgot. When I would become excited about a potential business deal, he would say, “Brian, deals are like buses. There will always be another one coming along. Don’t get excited or worried about this one. If it doesn’t come together smoothly, forget about it. Something else will come along.”
A wise man once told me, “Sometimes the very best deals are the ones that you don’t get into at all.”
Practice Detachment
The key to governing your emotions is to prepare yourself psychologically, in advance. Practice detachment. When you go into a negotiation, breathe deeply. Watch yourself carefully and remain calm, like a Buddhist. Don’t get emotionally involved or identify too strongly with the deal.
Your ability to maintain a sense of calm, clear detachment is the key to maintaining a position of strength. Remember that the person who is the most emotionally involved in the achievement of a particular outcome is the one who has the least power.
